Letter from Santa

[Originally Published in the Sun by the Sea newspaper… http://www.sunbythesea.com]

Dear Friends, Fans and Gift Seekers,
Well, for once I decided to take some time off and get away from the hustle and bustle of the toy world. What better place to chill than the shore, which is the picture of serenity and so different from my hometown (the only ice I’ve seen so far is in my glass)!
To be honest with you, the job’s been getting to me lately. All I ever hear is Santa get me this, Santa get me that. What Santa’s getting is a migraine! Anyway, Frosty found your little picture-postcard town on a map and thought this would be the perfect place for me to decompress. I really needed to get out of the limelight for a while. I know, I know, there’s nothing like Winterwood, I mean Wildwood in the summer, but I find it hard to tear myself away from the North Pole that time of year (when the igloos really shine). Besides, it’s tourist time back home now and I just couldn’t deal with the scrutiny that comes with being The Big Bearded Guy in the Red Suit. It used to be I could walk down the glossy streets unbothered, but now it seems I can’t leave the house without my dark shades firmly in place. How many autographs can I sign? I hate to lay blame, but it’s all Hollywood’s fault! I mean, come on, how many movies have they made about me? I used to be a magical mystery. Now they’ve commercialized me and made me available on DVD (I gotta get the elves to make me one of those DVD players). They’ve turned me into box office numbers, which are typically pretty impressive, but that’s not the point. I keep waiting for the E True Hollywood Story to come out about me to just completely ruin my mystique!

Speaking of Hollywood, they’re a little off when it comes to the Santa facts. First of all, I’m not that fat! Yes, I have had weight issues in the past that stem from my need to, well, eat a lot, but never mind. In my defense, what do people expect me to weigh when house after calorie-splurging house sets out milk (never low fat) and cookies (1,000 calories) for me to eat? It would be rude to leave them untouched, not to mention it might freak the little ones out, so what can I do? Anyway, I’m in a “health-management” program now and have slimmed down considerably. My snowman bathing trunks never fit so well! I’m also now able to temporarily trade my sleigh in for a surfboard. Speaking of which, I’m really enjoying your beach. Funny thing, sand. I’ve never walked on it before and, I’m a little embarrassed to admit this now, but I mistook it for funny colored snow when I first saw it. Now, of course, I’m hooked. It’s the perfect place to finish my memoirs. As I look out at the ocean on this shell-covered beach (souvenirs for the elves!), I feel so inspired. Why, my memoirs are practically writing themselves! Of course, it helps that I’m a living legend (just ask the folks on the Internet).“Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Santa but Were Afraid to Ask” is really coming together. Ironically, it will make a great Christmas gift. Plus, those long walks on your boardwalk are doing wonders for me. Yes, I get the occasional stare from passersby, but that’s the price you pay for fame.
Also, I’m guessing you guys don’t dress in red tights very often and therefore, find me even more fascinating. I was going to leave the uniform at home but what can I say, once a Santa, always a Santa!
Sadly, I must leave soon. A quick glance at the calendar has reminded me that I’ve got work to do. I promise I’ll be back for the book signing. I may even bring Rudolph (he just loves flying over the Atlantic Ocean). Although my visit to Wildwood has been all too brief, rest assured I will be visiting your hometown on Christmas Eve.
Please keep in mind that skim milk and low fat cookies are both trendy and tasty!
Love, Santa by the Sea

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s