Seaside Advice

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Originally Published in the Sun by the Sea…print and online @ http://www.sunbythesea.com

Reflections from the Desk of Lettie (Resident Canine Advice Columnist)

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Wildwood, NJ

Dear Lettie:

Well, summer’s almost here and I have yet to get in shape for bathing suit season. My goal is to become a healthier (read: thinner) version of myself but not so much that the other women will feel the need to whack me with their beach umbrellas (from six feet away, of course).

Rumor has it that you’re slim and trim in a non-threatening way. What’s your secret?

Sincerely,

Weight Conscience in Wildwood

 

Dear Weight Conscience:

It is possible to get into great shape without risking personal bodily harm. Many will tell you that the ticket to a tinier you is through brisk beach walks and boardwalk strolls. Well, they’re wrong. The answer to good health (read: less weight) can be found at the nearest pier.

First, as soon as the piers reopen, I recommend no less than four go a rounds on the teacups. This seemingly child-like ride is guaranteed to make those over the age of 12 so nauseous that the mere thought of food…well, you wouldn’t be thinking about food. Next up, I recommend an hour or so on the roller coaster of your choice. This will result in an hour or so of calorie-burning screams. As an added bonus, it will also contribute to the queasiness that the teacups inspired. Finally, I advise that you end your “get fit routine” with a ride on the Ferris wheel. It’s a known fact that high altitude makes excess weight fall to your feet. Plus, if heights make you dizzy…

These pearls of wisdom are guaranteed to start you on the path to a fit, albeit woozy, summer.

Yours in good health,

Lettie

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