Originally Published in the Sun by the Sea newspaper…www.sunbythesea.com
Please bring me a brand new sailboat so I can send my little brother to China.
It’s not ‘cause I wanna get rid of him, Santa, it’s just that he’s four years old
and I think it’s about time he saw the world which I just learned is flat so I know no
matter how far he goes he won’t fall off.
Johnny’s sister Sarah
I don’t want anything for Christmas. I just wanted to thank you for everything you
brought me last year. I don’t mind that you forgot to bring me that new bike I
asked for (clearly written on page 12 right after smartphone, which by the way broke).
I know it was just an oversight on your part.
Anyway, I’m sending you a picture of that bike just so you can see
how pretty it really is!
Life is pretty good, Santa. I don’t need much. All I ask for is land development below market value (I’ve got my eye on a new condo, map enclosed).
Dear Big Bearded Guy:
How’s it going? Hope you had a nice summer and are in good health. Are you in good health?
(I hear your winters are brutal). Anyway, I could really use a new surfboard.
Nothing fancy, S.C., anything the elves can put together would be fine (are the little guys insured?)
Vice President Healthcare, Inc. North Pole Division.
(business card enclosed)
I just wanted to let you know that the older you get, the more attractive you become.
Have you lost weight?
Hope the holidays are good to you. Speaking of which, now don’t get me wrong, handsome,
the beach bucket and shovel you tucked under my Christmas tree last year were great, I mean who needs jewelry when you’ve got plastic, and oh, that bright orange bikini sitting innocently next to it (which by the way was two sizes too small) was just, well, fantastic, but this year, Big Guy, make things easy for yourself and just say it in cash!
Hugs and Kisses,
I thought you should know that I am not about presents. No, sirree. I am a firm believer in it’s the thought that counts. That being said, try doin’ some thinking when you drop those gifts under my seashell-decorated tree, okay? Please and thankyou…
Love ya lots!
P.S. Cookies are located in the mermaid-shaped cookie jar. Help yourself!