A Letter From Santa’s Beach Chair

Originally Published in the Sun by the Sea newspaper…www.sunbythesea.com



Hello again, old friends!
Well, it’s that time of year again! No, I’m not referring to Christmas, although the holidays are upon us. No, I, of course, am referring to my pre-Christmas vacation. My second annual “trip to the shore” has finally arrived! I’ve been marking the days off my “Naughty or Nice” calendar since May! I’ve put in a lot of overtime this year. I don’t know if I’m just getting too old for the job (only God knows how old I really am) or if all the little and big children are just getting greedy. There are a lot more people on the “Nice List” this year, which is only good if you don’t have to “reward” them for their niceness. Harsh words coming from me, I know, which just goes to show that even the Big Guy in the Red Suit needs a mental health break every now and then. It’s been a year since I touched cool sand, and clearly a year is just way too long to stay away from this sand-struck place. I mean, the ocean view alone! Wow! Sunrise over a blue ocean is something my people don’t see much of. Our eyes are usually too glazed over from the glare all those igloos cause. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to Frosty for locating your island on our icy map (ordinarily the little cool guy spends his free time wrapped up in the Ice Capades and therefore has no time for travel hunting). He just knew that Wildwood was the best place for me to get a little R & R.

Mrs. Claus decided to make the trip with me this year. I really did a good sell job on this beach town when I got back home last year. Your tourism people could seriously use me to promote your town, but my full time job keeps me pretty busy…Anyway, the Mrs. has been shopping ever since we got here. She insisted on buying a souvenir for each of the elves, who really do deserve it. They’ve been so good this year working their little fingers to the bone. Of course, you can’t buy a gift for the elves without picking something up for the reindeer, excellent transportation that they are, and, naturally Frosty would be hurt if excluded….you might think it would be difficult shopping for such an eclectic group, let’s call them, but even off season the shopping here is fantastic! Rudolph is gonna do cartwheels when he sees the reindeer family snow globe we got him. We were gonna give that to Frosty as a joke, but you never know what will turn him cold. To hear him tell it, living in a snowy globe is not as glamorous as it sounds.

Back to your picturesque island, though…I’m in awe of this walk made of boards! I understand that on a typical day in July, hordes of people flock to these planks; stopping to play a little skeeball, (Mrs. Claus beat the suspendered pants off of me) then eat everything in sight. And what’s this I hear about your coasters that roll? We don’t have anything like that back home! I find it fascinating that a person can eat ice cream and cotton candy and wow, you’ve got every food item imaginable (except okra, an underrated veggie) and after consuming all that food, take a spin on something called the Log Flume. I thought I was a daredevil!

And the beach, oh, the beach is even more beautiful than I remember! We have got to get ourselves some of this stuff back home! The elves might not get so testy if they could roll around in this cool, grainy concoction after a long day of toy making. World peace could be
worked out on this stretch of land. I feel peaceful every time I take off my big, black boots and plop down in my newly purchased red bathing trunks (on sale and thank you for refraining from staring). I’ve collected so many shells on this trip. Mrs. Claus, who’s lounging on a matching beach chair as I write, says she’s going to start her own jewelry making business out of our collection. The Mrs. is a bit of a dreamer, which is one of the reasons I love her.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to again thank you for not staring at me nearly as much as you did last year. You’re a friendly people, and I assume unaccustomed to being around celebrities, so I appreciate you guys giving me breathing room. The paparazzi seriously wear me out, what with the constant picture taking and all. I don’t know if it’s the altitude or what, but the reporters at the North Pole are just relentless! I truly do know how the famous folks in Hollywood feel. They’re just itching to know what makes me tick. I tell them it ain’t no Rolex. I do have a sense of humor, but sadly, they don’t. They just want to get “The Santa Scoop.” What they’re getting is coal for Christmas! As you know, Santa likes to maintain an air of mystery. Luckily, when I’m here, I can make a milk and cookies run without having to wear my dark shades and oversized snowman hat, unless, of course, I’m trying to look cool.

This trip has just done me a world of good. The long strolls, sea air, and breathtaking view make me understand why people are so drawn to this place. There’s just nothing better for the soul than a breath of fresh, salty air. And after a little time here, I feel rested and ready to tackle each and every Christmas list! Do Santa a favor, though, and clean out those chimneys!


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